{"id":34956,"date":"2020-04-20T15:52:54","date_gmt":"2020-04-20T23:52:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sparselysageandtimely.com\/blog\/?p=34956"},"modified":"2023-12-21T12:34:12","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T20:34:12","slug":"humor-in-a-time-of-pandemic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sparselysageandtimely.com\/?p=34956","title":{"rendered":"Humor in a time of pandemic"},"content":{"rendered":"
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With friends and relatives sheltering in place<\/strong> because of coronavirus, many are trying to brighten the gloom by forwarding humor. In that spirit, I’ll pass along a couple of recent examples.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

And th<\/strong>ese sentences actually appeared<\/b> in church bulletins or were announced at church services:<\/p>\n

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.<\/p>\n

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.<\/p>\n

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’<\/p>\n

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.<\/p>\n

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.<\/p>\n

Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.<\/p>\n

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.<\/p>\n

Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.<\/p>\n

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.<\/p>\n

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.<\/p>\n

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.<\/p>\n

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.<\/p>\n

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.<\/p>\n

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.<\/p>\n

Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.<\/p>\n

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.<\/p>\n

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.<\/p>\n

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.<\/p>\n

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.<\/p>\n

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.<\/p>\n

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please\u00c2 use large double door at the side entrance.<\/p>\n

And this one just about sums them all up…<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours’<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

With friends and relatives sheltering in place because of coronavirus, many are trying to brighten the gloom by forwarding humor. In that spirit, I’ll pass along a couple of recent examples. And these sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services: The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. Scouts are saving […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":623,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-34956","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sparselysageandtimely.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34956","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sparselysageandtimely.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sparselysageandtimely.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sparselysageandtimely.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/623"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sparselysageandtimely.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=34956"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/sparselysageandtimely.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34956\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40631,"href":"https:\/\/sparselysageandtimely.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34956\/revisions\/40631"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sparselysageandtimely.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=34956"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sparselysageandtimely.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=34956"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sparselysageandtimely.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=34956"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}